Seclusion and Solace

Chapter 4

3.23'

Seclusion and Solace

I have secluded myself away this year. I call my parents every couple of weeks. My grown son and I try and Zoom weekly, but sometimes that doesn’t work out. I have missed him deeply and was thankful to be able to drive out to see him last week. Just about the only human interaction I've had in the past year has been with my elderly former neighbor, turned landlord. She invited me back to the area for the year so that I could rebuild and gain some insight and strength. My former neighbor turned landlord is a godly and wonderful mentor. I am so thankful for her guidance, understanding, and spiritual nature. 

Bills and responsibilities still had to be met. I had no idea how I would make ends meet and He indeed was faithful in providing me enough to survive this past year. I find myself unable to trust man’s ideology and theology any longer. If you received Chapter 3 - you may understand why it would be hard for me and others to do. My entire schooling was through Christian schools. I even went to Bible College. Sometimes I have to sit back and chuckle because, boy, did they send the wrong (or right?) gal to Bible College. 

My story isn’t just my own, but the many sacrificial lambs lost through the tares in the cloak of Christianity. That being said, I am not hiding behind a pseudonym. I am protecting my family and fellow survivors who have already endured so much. Through the pseudonym, I am taking myself out of the spotlight because it is not just my story or message to share. 

My purpose and intention are to carefully but meaningfully, gently but without hesitation, share with our church leaders some of the current miscommunications and foresight as to what these miscommunications might lead to if not looked at within your individual institutions, you’re personal spirits, to look at and start to hold our leaders of spiritual authority to a higher standard of accountability, and finally, the cloak of our religion as a whole.

As a human race, we are predisposed to the need for control. The church as a state has become a point of control instead of a point of freedom, salvation, or even safety. We are losing our people, and we are losing our purpose, spiritual gifts, and God-given callings through our man-made rhetoric. This is an internal problem. I am hoping I can find some spiritual leaders who are willing to listen, pray, and seek the direction of the Holy Spirit on how we can work on our church-state.

I believe if we go back and read the book of John and read it as if we were looking through the eyes of Jesus Himself we might all be ashamed of how we’ve been acting as Christians and as spiritual leaders. We normally read this book of the Bible as ministers or devote Christians without actually listening and seeing through a different set of eyes. The eyes and ears we are to train ourselves to use as followers of Christ, and not well conditioned educated religious knowledge of man-made law. This type of relationship with Him is how we are set apart. The eyes and ears of Jesus think, speak, and act differently than the ones we use as carnal beings and within religious law. We have to be willing to humble ourselves and ask the Holy Spirit to work within our spirit to reveal these things to us and truly listen to, sit with, and accept and teach these teachings.

Man had nothing to do with my salvation. A sanctuary played no part in it. Jesus did because He knew I could no longer trust man. He met me where I was. I love my ministers through Christ, and that is why I humbly ask you to read and process these letters to help show you where the church has lost the proof of Jesus’s true nature, love, and devotion. I'm not saying it's "your" church. It is an issue for the church as a whole. 

I don’t care about your denomination. We have our main ones, but honestly, your denomination is just becoming 1 of the 200. And outsiders see this. And when each denomination claims they got it right and everyone else is wrong, - sounds… judgey and it is conflicting. This is probably one of the most common criticisms I hear from unbelievers. Christians cover their judgments behind their “doctrine” and even judge and shame their own.

My elderly landlord invited me to my first big function a few weeks ago. I think people were eager to meet the recluse who lived with their precious friend. I was sitting on the picnic table and was soon joined by a woman and her husband. It didn’t take long to strike up a conversation. She asked me if I went to church anywhere. I told her I didn’t attend church but had a relationship with Christ. I got an odd look and was invited to church that Sunday. She went on to say that she couldn’t understand why her church wasn’t bringing in new congregants and that the congregation itself was getting smaller. 

"We used to have a great youth group. We don’t even have one anymore."

I try my best to talk and share my God with her the way Jesus would. It’s not as easy as it seems. To invoke thought in another without imposing some type of judgment. This is one of the reasons why Jesus asked so many questions and talked in parables.

I asked her if she was called to help a friend on a Sunday morning instead of going to church, would she?

She quickly responded, “I would invite them to come to church with us and help them after the service”.

Then I asked her, “What Jesus would do?”. We are the church. His later teachings weren’t in the temple. His boots were on the ground. Where two or more are gathered in his name, that is the church. It’s not your building. It’s not your Sunday pew. Be a Jesus with skin on. Make sure your traditions don’t trump your purpose and calling. Her response spoke volumes about how she was being taught. We were called to find the lost and bring them home. You’re not going to find the lost under your roof until they’re found. I’ve learned from experience the best way to minister and serve those in need is to start within their comfort zone.

Matthew 12

Instead, why don’t our churches make it a point to go out into the community and find the elderly woman who needs a new roof but can’t afford it? Or go sit with a single mother near homelessness; bring her some food and help her find a job, counseling, and child care. How about the young man you see headed to the dumpster to find something to eat? It’s getting cold out. How many of you Christians pack an extra blanket in your car? There will be a homeless person you encounter this winter that you can show the love of God and help warm up. That is Jesus with skin on. Our country is committing suicide, and it’s doing so because it is losing all sense of hope. We need strong, faithful, humble men and women of God to stand up through His Spirit. Not through man-made law. Like the military before a raid, - will go in and “sweep” the area to try and save civilians from the coming attack. That is what we need to be doing. Sweeping the answer through.

I was given a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity about two months into my seclusion. As mentioned before, bills still had to be paid, and up until this point, I wasn't sure how that would get done. Indeed, the Lord provided. I knew where this job came from because all logic was thrown aside. This was a God thing. This was Him fulfilling His promise due to obedience. It was divinely orchestrated to give me time and space to quiet my soul and listen. The project was the full creation of a stone mural. There is a lot of revelation in the creation process if you allow yourself to look deeper than the schematics. It was a very powerful project that offered many of the applications I will share with you throughout these letters. My own father was completely speechless when I told him what I would be doing. I think he was waiting on the call saying, ‘You were right. This was a stupid move. I’m broke now’. (not that I wasn't...) Instead, he saw God’s power and promises being reviled. The same Christian ‘talk’ (faith) he instilled in me, which rarely Christians utilize because it’s just too uncertain, was manifesting right before his eyes. Both he and I knew I could do the job, but both he and I knew I should have been anyone’s last pick since I wasn’t a big-name operation or even a blink on anyone’s radar for such an extensive job.

I stood in line at the post office, waiting to ship out a manageable sample piece, Phase 1, of the project. I stood there, taking account of how far the Lord had brought me, the promise He gave me and this gift I was given, and His guidance and learning in fulfilling it. Quietly thanking Him for saving me from years and years of bitterness, addiction, anger, and repression. I recall praising Him for giving me an opportunity that reinstalled purpose, confidence, and drive within me—praising Him while waiting to be called up by the post office clerk. Until…

“I’ll take the next person in line. Ma’am, can I help you?”

A white lady starts to walk forward… “Ohhh, we’ll see if you can…” 

I think it was that patronizing tone that brought me out of my internal worship moment. This lady needed a change of address. The older, black clerk does his best to explain to her that she would have to go to another PO location to submit the paperwork for a change of address. Not the answer she wanted to hear. She became very loud and demanding. You could hear a pin drop when, in her anger and frustration, she announced,

“Look, I am the church secretary for ***UMC and I was sent here to get this corrected today, and now you’re telling me I have to drive all the way out there?"

She had papers in her hand, shaking them in the air towards the clerk's face. Shouting and angry. The clerk didn't deserve any of that. The older soft soft-spoken gentleman seemed stunned and confused. It was sad & appalling. There had been chatter in the room up to that point. Now it was dead silent. She knew what she had done. She held her head down and quickly walked out.

I lost all feeling of accomplishment. I hadn’t accomplished anything! This job was only a means to accomplish what was laid on my soul to begin and see through. I was heartbroken, as I was livid. Not with her, but within her actions. Not with her, but for the unsaved who saw a Christian treat another person that way. I prayed for her, the church and everyone under its roof. This is exactly the type of misrepresentation I’m talking about. You are not above earthly or spiritual law just because you’re a spiritual leader. Quite the opposite. You are to be held to a higher standard. There were over a dozen people in line that day. They all witnessed something that was under the cloak of Christianity, but detrimental to the cloak's appearance. This cloak had tears and holes all throughout it. It allowed the elements in and safety from the rain and cold compromised everything within it. Ezekiel 13, Proverbs 28:10-20, Proverbs 4:23, & then our famous Mathew 18:16

We are finding: There is still too much judgment. That is for God and God alone. Not even Jesus judged. There is too much condemnation — that's for God and God alone. Is man more powerful than Him? He knew that was His Father’s job, & He tried his best to teach us that. There is still too much hypocrisy and lack of accountability. There is too much “I” and not enough of Him. There’s too much filler and not enough action. There is too much shame imprinted on our youth in situations that a mature and comfortable Christian would never be able to fathom, but sure willing to pile on more pain and shame. I've been in some churches where redemption seems futile, so why even try. There seems to be too little grace and unconditional love. There’s too much teaching of knowledge by interpretation and a lack of personal relationships and understanding. There are too many agendas and not enough people left in the pews to fulfill them. And we wonder why… Are those agendas of God? The only agenda I can pinpoint of Jesus was saving the lost. We would be wise to use His methods.

How are you preaching on Sunday mornings? Are you calling out certain people’s lifestyles to try and get their attention from the pulpit? That’s a judgment, and more detrimental than you know. The number of people I’ve talked to who felt betrayed by their pastor's trust and stopped attending. Are you preaching far left - far right - liberal? Sunday morning is no time to try and swing your congregation. I do know for a fact - families have been torn apart over a church's stance on political values. How you teach has everything to do with how your flock portrays Christ. It also has a lot to do with the number of people under the church’s roof. I think you will find it harder to get new congregants due to the state of our religion as a whole. If spiritual heads would start taking inventory of their personal relationship with the Holy Spirit and how their congregants are portraying Christ - I imagine you would be brought to your knees, just as I have been. Then we need to figure out a way to help stop the ripples…

I have spoken with many people on these topics over the years. That is how I know to what extent and how far and wide the church has become a place associated with fear, pain, and mistrust for many. That should sadden any minister or Christian. It does me. You have no idea how many tears I’ve shed over the state of our churches. When the church isn’t willing to look at and identify toxic traits that cause people to stay outside and away from their Heavenly Father, your church has become nothing more than a club. Your church will just become another gray-haired meeting place that eventually won’t be able to afford to keep the lights on. I don’t want that, but I see and understand why it is happening.

That is what this past year has been stripping and painful. It’s painful because we see just how poorly we’ve been representing Him. That is true repentance. When we see the harm we've done to our Father's kingdom and work tirelessly through Him to try and reconcile it. I am guilty of misrepresenting our Father. I have repented for those times and have asked Him to work heavily on my soul & He is. He heard my cry, He saw my faith, and He felt me reach out and touch the hem of His robe, knowing that was enough. The world did not swallow me. I am still here, and He has given me a message that I feel very unworthy to give, but I will continue to walk in obedience and in faith because this is now my purpose. I always knew there was more to my God than man was representing. I’m thankful He was faithful in reviling that to me. I pray He’s able to use me to help others, especially our spiritual leaders, see and understand as well.

These are some areas Christians and pastors need to look at to fill our churches again. Communing with the Holy Spirit, falling into faith, humility, obedience, understanding, accountability, and ownership go a long way towards bridging this divide and bringing our people home. 

Thank you for your time. My prayers of blessings, safety, & peace pass all understanding to you, yours, and your church bodies. I am earnestly praying for you all.